I Open My Heart and Treasures Overflow

Only Wanna Be With You

2006-05-03T08:22:00.000-07:00

By: Rozwell

i don't know what you do to me. i see eternity staring back at me. i made a vow to you that i'm gonna keep. like watching over you everytime you sleep. when i think about what i'd do for you. it makes me think about all the things you do. you never once complained about the bad things. you swallowed all your pride and held inside all of your pain.

* i only wanna be with you. (wanna be with you) now i need you to need me too. no one will come between me and you. (never. oooh). we will live our lives forever. (forever) we'd even cry together. (we'll cry) forever. and ever. and ever.

tell me all the things that will make you smile. you say that diamond rings are really not your style. i know you're breaking rules. when it comes to loving you. i know it's hard to choose the one you give your loving to. people ask you why and what you see in me. a smile is your reply. you say it's meant to be. that's what i love about you. you give me all of you. the only one in this whole world i'll give my love to.

2006-03-27T20:03:00.000-08:00

I didn't have parents, so I lived in people's homes... And because I grew up with no parental role models, I learned to become my own friend, eventually my own father and my own mother.

John Lone

My Reflections on Oriental Movies

2006-03-12T17:27:00.000-08:00

I saw the film, Fearless, yesterday. It was supposedly Jet Li's last martial arts film. I was glad to find out that it didn't have that "Hollywood" flick. It was a purely Oriental film from start to finish, except for the inclusion of some necessary Western characters. The film teaches its viewers that martial arts is supposed to be used for maintaining a sound mind and body, and to help other people in trouble. Another moral lesson of the story is that the way we start our life does not matter as much as how we end it.

I like Chinese martial arts films. Maybe part of that is because my dad loved them. My aunt once said that Bruce Lee was my dad's friend when they were in school. She also said that from the pad where they were living, Jackie Chan used to go to their rooftop for whatever reason. I am a great fan of these heroes and to know that my dad had some encounters with them simply wows me. When I am watching their movies, deep inside I feel proud to be of Chinese descent.

I am fond of the Master-disciple practice. Hearing the English dubber say "Mastahh, mastahh" somehow reminds me of my childhood days, for some reason. And I find it funny too. I also love the fact that Chinese movies promote the concept of loyalty and faithfulness towards one's family, friends and country. Faithfulness to the One above, I think it is the most difficult to achieve yet the most rewarding.

An element of Oriental movies that I find most fascinating is love for one's family. For the Chinese, the family is above all, for blood is thicker than water. Only recently have I started to grab the real meaning of this. As I had written in my previous post, ours wasn't a tight family and I had always felt sad about it. But I am thankful that things have started to change recently. No matter what kind of family I have, they are the only family I can have in this lifetime. And they should have my love and loyalty above everything else in this world.

I am so happy that even though our mom didn't vocally teach us these things, I learned them through reading and watching films. I think these are important things to learn before settling down and raising one's own family.

I believe that the Chinese, Japanese, Koreans and other nations are successful because of the values that their ancestors have passed down to them. These are values that teach people to be loyal to each other, and consider one's family and country more important than friendship with foreign nations. This must have been the reason why our nation was never able to maintain its good reputation and high economic status in the past. Filipinos have good values but these are easily shaken. It is sad and it is true.

Ghandi said, You must be the change that you wish to see in the world. If I want to see some positive changes in my own little society, I should start with myself and my children. Firm values, I believe this is the way.

A Pug's Life

2006-03-07T14:03:00.000-08:00

When we were little kids and our dad was still living, we would enjoy the friendly company of pugs. We had three pugs then namely Candy, Butterfly and Whiskey. Candy was our first pug and she had the same color as the one in the photo above. Butterfly, on the other hand had black fur. Whiskey had soft fur that was fawn just like Candy. Our dad was deeply fond of dogs and at that time we had a variety of dog breeds at home. But the most special to us were the pugs because they lived inside our home. More importantly, they shared a common charm that most people will find endearing.

We did not have a chance say goodbye to Candy, Butterfly and Whiskey who passed away with our dear dad a long time ago.

We had a pug after a few years later who we named Kimchi. Like our first pug friends, she was energetic, fun-loving and she wanted very badly to get our attention in her own charming ways. At that time I thought it was just a unique personality they possessed. It was only recently that I learned that pugs in general share the same level of hyperactivity.

Kimchi had a wonderful life when she was young because she was allowed inside our home. She was like a jewel in our home who brought happiness to us siblings because she was given special treatment. But when we moved to a different place, that was when life became rough for her. She was no longer allowed to enjoy our company inside our home so that she had to be locked up in a cage in the garage. Since then, mange and rashes started to appear on her skin. After some more time, her skin became rougher and she had a foul smell, not to mention ticks that seemed to suck the blood out of her. Time passed her by as we gave her less attention and care. Her masters have changed, she may have thought. Perhaps there came a starting point when we, her only family, seldom dropped by her cage to even say hi. I noticed that Kimchi lost her cheerful spirit; old age and loneliness seemed to have taken their toll.

At that time, I didn't do much to somehow compensate for her misery except for a few pats and hi's and some food that I would drop in her cage on rare occasions. Later, Kimchi would die a tragic death. Kimchi, our fun-loving and playful dog who saw a promising future with us, passed away just like that. We did not give her a life she deserved. And perhaps, she was not given to a worthy master.

Maybe someday I will adopt a pug who will be with me inside my home. She will grow up surrounded by a family who will take care of her and love her dearly. She will be called Kimchi, after our very own.

I miss you Kimchi, now more than ever.

Ohana Means Family!

2006-03-03T15:57:00.000-08:00

My 2006 started off with the sun giving a promising smile. Almost everything seems to be alright. It starts with my family. I feel much more bonded with them ever since we started going out every Sunday. See, our family is different from other so-called 'normal families'. We didn't have one of those weekly 'family days'. We rarely went out together... and whenever we did, it did not occur to me that it ought to be something precious...the kind that you want to relive many years from now.

I was wrong. There is nothing like having ohana days. If my memory serves me right, my family started going out every Sunday since December of last year. It started simply, with dinners, until we realized we were enjoying each other's company. Slowly, it seemed we built an unspoken agreement that Sunday is a family day.

Another notable change is that we go to church every Sunday. One may think it is weird, but we go to church separately. This is because we prefer different churches. My sister goes with me. Poor mom goes by herself. My prayer is that one day, we will enter God's house of worship together every Sunday...

Lately, we go to Antipolo for some acupuncture sessions. We all felt improvement in our health in a matter of one session. We love acupuncture! We all agree that traditional or alternative medicine is the more holistic way to maintain a good health.

I thank God because I am able to enjoy these things with my family... I want to appreciate them while we are all still living together. And because time is running, I want to cherish every moment that I spend with them because some time in the future, I know I would have enough memories to relive. I thank God because He made what seemed impossible to become a reality... Where there was full of bitterness amongst us, God must have taken that away and replaced it with forgiveness. It is not a perfect family, but I never regret being in this family.

On Happiness

2006-01-26T11:59:00.000-08:00

George Sand: There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.

Henry David Thoreau: That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest.

Nathaniel Hawthorne: Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.

Peyton Conway March: There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life -- happiness, peace of mind and love-- are always attained by giving them to someone else.

Robert Heinlein: Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.

I Miss My Time With You!

2006-01-26T06:25:00.000-08:00

by Larnelle Harris

there he was just waiting . in our old familiar place . an empty spot beside him . where once i used to wait . to be filled with strength and wisdom . for the battles of the day . i would have passed him by again . if i didn't hear him say

(chorus)

i miss my time with you . those moments together . i need to be with you each day . and it hurts me when you say . you're too busybusy trying to serve . but how can you serve me when your spirit's empty . there's a longing in my heart . wanting more than just a part of you . it's true . i miss my time with you

what do i have to offer . how can i truly care . my efforts have no meaning . when your presence isn't there . but you will provide the power . if i take time to pray . i'll stay right here beside him . and you will never have to say..

(chorus)"

Thank You

2006-01-25T10:16:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been a while since I last wrote an entry here...and reading my past entry felt like going back in time... And it feels wonderful to relive them... And all it takes is a journal and not a time machine to relive them.
I realized there are some memories that I would have almost forgotten had I not taken the time to visit my blog...

Lots of things happened and the most significant is that we're in the year 2006 already.. Whew! Wow, I've been with this company for more than 2 years. I feel as though I haven't accomplished much... And that maybe it's about time to turn things around.

But how? That's the big question for 2006. But I feel it's going to be a good year... I've resolved to go to church regularly, to try to make it my priority every weekend... There are a lot of things that I want to do during my free time, and going to church means sacrificing some... I renewed a special vow... And by faith, I know God will help me turn things around.

I want to thank God for his Word that he planted in my heart years ago, because without it I probably wouldn't know my place in this world.

Thank you for your great love and for your graciousness, that you call me your friend even though I am only an unworthy servant... You are my Lord, my King... I am sorry if my lifestyle doesn't show that... Please give me the strength and humility that I need so I may surrender my life to you...

2005-10-01T18:33:00.000-07:00

smiling kitty... cute :)

Stick Around

2005-09-18T16:39:00.000-07:00

by Azure

how many times do I daydream. about making love to you. and take you to a special place. where it's only me and you. i'll put away all your troubles. on the other side of the world. and run my arms around ur heart. and tell u you're my girl.

so let's go steal away in the night. and we'll go far away from here. to the place where our love is right. can I take you to my world.

whenever you're sad. whenever you're crying. i'll be the one who wipes away your tears. whenever you call. whenever you need me. i'll be the one who runs to you. giving my love. well you know how much I love you. so you better not let me down. i'm not asking for too much baby. just stick around.

a quiet day in the country. or a rainy night in my room. we'll hide away under my sheets. after the morning comes too soon. an afternoon in your eyes. or a lifetime in your heart. forever just stay long enough. but it leads to take a start.

falling deeper in love with you. will you be there to catch me girl. are you falling deep with me too. can I keep you in my world.

. . .

forever. forever. oh would you come on baby. let's go steal away in the night. and we'll go far away from here. to the place where our love is right.

Clumsy

2005-09-15T14:21:00.000-07:00

Running in haste, I broke my phone last week. It fell from two flights of stairs. The LCD got broke, there was just light on the screen. I took the battery off for a couple of hours, just like what we tell our customers, but this didn't help. This is the phone that I felt love at first sight with. Three months later, I would lose it because of lack of care. I feel sad because I miss my phone and I'm feeling a bit frustrated with myself.

If with haste, with care. Such simple yet effective words coming from a friend. I'll do my best to always keep this in mind and practice it daily. Maybe there's little I can do about having a poor memory. But about me being clumsy, I'm sure I could do with a little care.

Soft Yummy Hotcakes

2005-09-13T18:33:00.000-07:00

My friends and I decided that we wanted to have breakfast at Pancake House. Mabs, Ten Ten, Abi and I were outside their door at 5:45 am. It was a bit dark inside, the sign read "CLOSED", but the crew was preparing to start the day. Our mindset was to have breakfast at Pancake House, so we settled for nothing else. Mabs went knocking at the door to ask what time they will open. "6:00 AM". Cool! What's 15 minutes of waiting to satisfy our heart's desires.

Shortly after Mabs came back, the manager came and asked us to come in. It was drizzling outside. We sat comfortably within the confines of that nice place while he had the lights open for us, their first customers for the day. They had to fix themselves first, after which they gave us the menu.

It was almost hard to decide which food to eat. There was a variety of yummy choices. I finally settled for a 2-piece peach pancake. My mind had been set to have pancakes.

We had some talks and laughs. Mabs was imitating PGMA's speech regarding the recent Pinoy boxing victory. She was joking about a lot of things too, as usual. What a nice morning to spend with friends.

Their orders came and mine was last to come. I was feeling eager about eating my pancakes. Finally, the waiter was approaching with my food on the tray. Finally, my pancakes had arrived! But I was wrong, they prepared a waffle for me. A hard, almost crispy waffle which was not exactly the hot, soft pancakes I was craving for.

Well, my friends must have seen the sadness in my face, but I took it anyway without showing any grudge. The manager came and offered replacement. I said, "no it's okay" and I smiled at him. I felt a bit responsible, thinking it might have been my fault because he read back our orders to us shortly after writing them down.

I told my friends I might have a Choco Honey Dipped at Dunkin Donuts after our breakfast to somehow compensate for my disappointment. I was almost halfway through my waffle when, much to my surprise, the manager came and with him was a pair of soft freshly-made pancakes. I looked at him puzzled, but he gave me that willing and generous smile. He said it was fine, and that he was not used to his customers not having what they wanted. This morning I had a waffle and a pair of pancakes and paid half the price. I am not used to receiving such nice customer service.

So, a Choco Honey Dipped wouldn't be necessary any more. A simple act of kindness has satisfied not only my appetite but my heart as well :) Such a small gracious gesture left us smiling and feeling good about this restaurant and the people that work here. I wonder why others won't do the same. I can't help thinking why our client can't do the same. It's not difficult to realize that practicing such is the fastest way to earn loyal customers. I guess Pancake House earned themselves four frequent customers this morning. :)

Another Monday

2005-09-12T08:49:00.000-07:00

New day, new week. Another Monday, hay, another day of taking volumes of calls. At least, our computer is now running fast. Surfing turns into a luxury, as opposed to stressful. It felt stressful to use our PC before my dear bro had it reimaged. It is now virus and stress-free yey! :)

Speaking of stress, well, the recent weekends have been quite stressful since our sportsfest had commenced. I'm starting to regret having joined all events because I don't get to be with my friends that much any more, and I no longer have time to play badminton on Sundays at Flick... I should have joined just the badminton team, well i could give basketball a consideration, to support Mabsy's passion in basketball. ;)

And now speaking of passion, oh well, I have a new love - shoes. Again, Mabs's influence. Such an influence she had on us that Abi, Ten Ten and I bought a pair of Nike's, and Jemai as well... Maybe Toni will buy one too... :D I'm happy that I was able to get a good deal, it was on sale, but I am much happier with the fact that, I would still have bought it if it wasn't on sale. I am truly happy. Jeff said I should buy only things that make me happy, not just a little happy or a spur-of-the-moment kind of feeling. Things that some people won't let a compliment pass when they chance upon them.

Federer prevailed over Agassi in the 2005 US Open. While I feel sad for Agassi, I am happy for Federer and Kim Clijsters. For them to go that far tells me that they earned a much-deserved victory. I not only admire them, but I also look up to them for inspiration. They teach me that one should keep on fighting and reject the idea of giving up. And oh, I feel the same way about the recent achievements of Pacquiao and 2 other Filipinos! Wow, what superb individuals.

My tummy feels a little bloated, well I'm feeling a little sad and it's interesting to note that when I am sad, I forget about my diet (kuno) and eat whatever I like. I've had too much chocolates and chips for this morning. I will go to bed shortly.

Meanwhile, I'm waiting for updates from Ten Ten because we're planning to see Brother's Grimm before tonight's shift. Yey! I miss my friends. :)

Got Tagged II

2005-09-01T15:08:00.000-07:00

Been tagged by Jemai!

7 things that scare you: death. losing a loved one. cockroach. natural calamities. thunder. suspicious-looking people (copyright - Ten Ten). not being able to bear kids (wag naman sana, please...)

7 things you like the most: chocolates. beaches. playing badminton. white cotton sheets. hug from my niece. gimmick with friends. a nice home theater.

7 important things in your bedroom: my white cotton sheets. my bed. blanket and comforter. my Bible. books. fan. clothes.

7 random facts about you: i feel the urge to pee from time to time. i am very clumsy and quite forgetful. i love watching tennis games; i've never tried it. i love playing badminton!. i don't like my feet. some of my relatives used to call me "panike", the connection comes from the last 2 syllables of my name :D. there is a gap between my 2 front teeth :D

7 things you plan to do before you die: get right with God. love with all of my heart. raise loving kids. tour the philippines. tour the rest of the world. forgive unconditionally. probably raise a charity.

7 things you can do: can cook. can play sports. can home-decorate. cross-stitch. gift-wrap creatively. can trust in people easily. can laugh like crazy.

7 things you can't do: i can't sing. can't dance. can't draw. can't act (as in). can't have a good memory. can't shout at a friend. can't lie (the big lie).

7 things that attract you to the opposite sex: kind heart. inclination to sports. the eyes. smile. faith in God. sense of humor. well height and built are a plus. :)

7 celeb crushes: jerry yan. jerry yan. heath ledger. pwede na rin james blake and roger federer. a xi. dao ming xi :D

Got Tagged!

2005-08-31T17:12:00.000-07:00

Got tagged by Townie!

20 Years ago
I was one year old. Hmm... Cute, chubby, probably playful like my niece. My mom would always carry me. If she was not around, my yaya. Or dad, or sis. We had a gray snobbish cat named Pussy.

15 Years ago
I was in first grade and was a transferee from Gideon Academy to St. Peter. It makes me smile to recall that my mom would give me 2.50 pesos everyday so I could buy a slice of pizza at the canteen. This is aside from my daily allowance of 10 pesos. Yum! Hehe... Love yah mom! :)

10 Years ago
I was eleven years old and was in sixth grade. This was the time when I felt "puppy love" for the first time, towards a junionr HS student named Vincent. I wrote him a poem and nobody knew it but me and mom. I liked him even though he didn't seem to notice me. Aww... At least I got to know what it's like! :) This was also the glorious year when I had experienced my first volleyball championship and this game became my first love.

5 Years ago
I was 16 and was about to graduate from highschool. I was named the MVP in volleyball, wow. That year, I was also a shy froshie at La Salle.

3 Years ago
I was 18! I told mom I didn't want to have a debut party so I spent it with only those close to me at our restaurant Ping Yang.

Last Year, 2004
I was working graveyard in PeopleSupport. A lot of things and new experiences and some newfound friends, too. I found a new love in badminton and I was blessed enough to have met a group of badminton lovers near our place. Fun! :)

This Year
The Saturday group was founded and every Sunday is Flick/badminton day. I enjoy going out with my friends, go places and watch movies with them. I had my first exposure to alcoholic drinks and I will never forget that wonderful and somewhat traumatic experience (allergy). I am still a lost soul who is trying to find direction...

Yesterday
We watched the basketball game against Expedia and I'm sad to say our men's basketball team lost. It was an exciting game to watch though so I can't say I was dissatisfied. They did their best.

Last Night
I might have snapped at a customer at one point. But I do that only when necessary, ayt? Hehe! :)

Today
I am finding ways to make use of my free time because I will accompany Ten Ten to the bank. I played billiards with a newfound friend at the pantry. I learned some basics.. Fun! :)

Tomorrow
Tomorrow is Friday, and I will be worrying about Saturday's mixed basketball game.

Next Year
I am hoping to be working for Landco Pacific as a business development assistant next year.

5-10 Years from now
I will be happily married. There will some arguments and there will be some difficult times, but in the end our love will prevail. We will grow makukulit yet good-hearted and loving kids.

Butterflies

2005-08-29T15:07:00.000-07:00

For weeks I had waited with butterflies in my stomach, waiting for that dreaded day when I would have to conquer one of my fears... Standing in front of the crowd and worse yet, being the center of attention for 3 minutes.

Only 3 minutes and I was having all those butterflies for weeks. I was preparing myself mentally and was somehow formulating how to go about facing my fear. Rule number one was to just be myself. Being myself, however, would mean being the awkward girl that I am who cannot even walk the aisle graciously. The day came and went; it could have gone by an ordinary one.

Except that my friends were there to support me and give me confidence. Seeing them from up there helped put a smile on my face. Their reassuring presence made me feel everything would be fine. For me to be able to trust in their faith in me was a special feeling. I'd like to extend my gratitude to them. I don't have many friends; just a few good ones.

Everyone has at least one thing to be good at. I just don't happen to have any likes nor talents for beauty pageants of sorts.

I have always loved sports. But at the moment I choose to set my passion on badminton. I think about the tourneys ahead and know I have to be well-prepared physically and mentally. Because it's something I know I can be competitive in, I feel no butterflies in my stomach, only sheer determination to do my best. Of course, this comes with humility knowing that anything can happen even though one wants something so badly.

2005-08-22T20:22:00.000-07:00

When my niece is having her daily dose of tantrums, uh oh watch out. There really is nothing we can do to stop her. Look at that stubborn look on her face. But my love for her grows even though she gets to be very snappy at times :)

Mismatched Shoes and the Breakfast Club

2005-08-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

What is the probability of one coming to work with a pair of mismatched shoes? I don't know but I'm sure it is very very low and I happen to be one of the few careless ones who managed to just do that. Hmmm..

It has been more than a month since I last updated my blog and within that short period of time, a lot of things happened. This revolves around my family, badminton group and of course my Saturday group (also the Breakfast Club). The Saturday group consists of Ten Ten, Toni, Mabs, Abi, Jemai... Josa... and of course, yours truly. Having named them, I'd like to note that others are welcome to join as long as they enjoy our company, like to eat out and are adventurous like us. Also, it would be great if they would appreciate our sense of humor, indecisiveness and the tendency to splurge compulsively. ;)

July 16, 17 and 18 would mark the days when we first went to Baguio together. Although we were not able to stroll around like tourists do, (it was raining and we didn't have enough time) it was all worthwhile. One may find it strange that we spent a lot of time at SM Baguio when it is supposed to be the last thing that we should set our feet on. Of course we ate our hearts out with a lot of food but to me, what makes this trip most remarkable is my ukay-ukay experience, oh thanks to Jemai, I was able to bring home some good finds. :)

We wanted to repeat our Baguio experience and marked the dates August 13 and 14. But CNN forecasted bad weather on those days so we had to resort to Plan B. Plan B happens to be a sleepover at Toni's in Matabungkay. Plan B's objective, according to my friends, was TO GET STEFFY DRUNK. And I consider them friends. :p By the way, on those days, the sun was shinging so brightly.

But the fun must go on. Nighttime. We had some tequilla, vodka and Mudslide which tasted like coffee. The last 2 drinks, I was supposed to share with Ten Ten but she was having an upset stomach so I had to down them myself. Plan B's objective went flawlessly because they got me tipsy for the first time. The experience was new to me and I loved what I was feeling because I could laugh at the smallest of things. I called my special one to share that special moment, and when he answered, he said "Nasa gubat ako". I wasn't sure if I heard it right, but upon hearing that I laughed and laughed. He asked what was wrong, and I asked why in the world was he in the forest. I shared that we had a couple of drinks... Sadly, this didn't make him happy. To this day we still haven't talked... I'm sorry Baby but they are my trusted friends and I'm still the same Stef and I won't change... :(

Going back, how unfortunate that Josa could not go with us. She caught some lung infection that require many weeks of rest and on this day, her resignation has officially taken effect. Oh that girl, my friend who knows me, who always laughs at me, who makes all these sarcastic remarks, the one with whom I share my fondness for Afleet Alex and Lance Armstrong and the smallest of things because I know she's all ears and that she would appreciate them too... My friend who would gladly finish whatever scap of food is left on the table. On this day, I remember her and I hope I can see her sleeping beside me at this hour with her trademark native blanket wrapped all over her body. This is the time when our lunch hour would overlap.

I'm sorry that this has to end on a slightly sad note. But I find reason to smile. My mismatched shoes will no longer feel lost because they are with their rightful pairs now. :)

2005-07-12T18:30:00.000-07:00

There's no better place than in the arms of the ones you love.

2005-07-12T18:29:00.000-07:00

Yannah, my pamangkin na walang mata. Hehe.. :)

Unheard

2005-07-07T19:26:00.000-07:00

my eyes are red, heavy and tired
a little silence and they would have been fine
to love and understand is the road i'd take
longing for better and brighter days

lend me your ears and i'll lend you mine...

The Verdict: It's Not the Phone

2005-07-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

After running a series of tests, I have drawn the conclusion that the culprit is me and not the poor phone. Hehehe! Case closed.

Silly ol' me. :)

Is it the phone or is it me?

2005-07-06T17:48:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been startling myself by waking up one hour before my shift. I figured it might have something to do with my phone's alarm clock; but last night I was starting to believe the problem had something to do with me. But three straight days? I'll be sure to test-run my alarm clock later. Somehow there's a tiny dash of hope in me that says it is the phone. But should the test-run prove otherwise, I'd still be happy, knowing that I'm lucky enough to effortlessly catch a good sleep. Unlike my mom; she often finds difficulty in getting a good rest.

---

As much as I enjoy sleeping, I am not able to enjoy a sharp memory. This realization came in gradeschool, it started with me being clumsy, misplacing things and sometimes, getting myself hurt (i.e. accident-prone). It is a laughing matter between me and my friends today, but I'm quite afraid that this little brain defect might have to taken more seriously later.

The experts say to pay more attention to details. It's something I had to start practising so it would become a habit.

Some Good Things Never Last

2005-07-01T17:54:00.000-07:00

I had learned this lesson years ago. I guess I've gotten quite used to it. So when they Surf-Controlled some of our favorite websites, it didn't come as much of a surprise. From then on, we had to be a little creative as to how we could access these sites from the office. And creativity goes hand-in-hand with resourcefulness... And how resourceful can one be?? Hehe! :)

There's an upcoming movie called Herbie that I'm looking forward to seeing. But I am little bothered as I don't like the thought of more people liking the Beetle. I feel the same way when my favorite songs get famous. Am I afraid that someone else might like them better than I do? That someone else would have a more special connection with the things I love? Well, talk about jealousy. Grow up, Steffy! ;)

Now that I'm writing about the things I love, I'd like to write about my new baby. It's not a new boyfriend (??), it's not the Beetle; it's just a cellphone. What I felt when I first set my eyes on it was love at first sight, thanks to a friend who got it from a 2-year contract with a wireless service provider. It's not a very sophisticated phone, but seeing it was like finding the right partner that fit perfectly with my personality. So even though I hated contracts especially those coming from wireless service providers, (particularly because of the fact that I'm indirectly working for one), I took the risk and applied for the same plan as my friend had. Now, I have a phone that I know I'll always have a special connection with. Great timing as I had lost my phone a few weeks ago...

There goes by saying, some good things never last; but sometimes, there are things that won't last if one doesn't take good care of them.

My Boo :)

2005-06-16T14:48:00.000-07:00

The "in" thing among my friends is to showcase our dream cars in our blogs. Lately I've been dreaming about going to the office in my dream car while listening to my favorite songs. Won't mind the traffic outside as I'm safely accomodated by a rigid exterior body and a leather-cased seat in cream color. I want a "boo" (as a friend would call it) that stands out in the crowd. The vintage beetle is really nice. A good paint job should make it look striking but it has to have the original Volks mags and engine for total performance :) The new beetle is great but I'll have leave that in my dreams for now. Hehe!

Well I guess a dream remains a dream until the right time comes.

Still, it's nice to dream every once in a while... :)

Something to Consider

2005-06-16T11:19:00.000-07:00

An interview with an old man:

"What suprprises you must about mankind?"

"That we get bored with childhood, we rush to grow up and then long to be children again... That we lose our health to make money and then lose it to restore our health... That by thinking anxiously about the future, we forget present such that we live in neither the present nor the future... That we live as if we will never die and die as if we had never lived."

Original text adapted.

One day, he had a song...

2005-06-10T15:12:00.000-07:00

ilang ulit mo nang itinatanong sakin
kung hanggang saan
hanggang saan, hanggang kailan
hanggang kailan magtatagal
ang aking pagmamahal

hanggang may himig pa akong naririnig
dito sa ating daigdig
hanggang may musika akong tinataglay
kita'y iniibig

chorus:
giliw wag mo sanang isiping
ikaw ay aking lilisanin
'di ko magagawang, lumayo sayong piling
at nais kong malaman mo
kung gaano kita kamahal

hanggang ang diwa ko'y tanging sa 'yo laan
mamahalin kailanman
hanggang pag-ibig ko'y hanggang walang hanggan
tanging ikaw lamang ...

hanggang may puso akong marunong magmahal
na ang isinisigaw ay lagi nang ikaw
hanggang saan, hanggang kailan
hanggang kailan kitang mahal
hanggang ang buhay ko'y kunin ng maykapal
hanggang may pag-ibig
laging isisigaw tanging ikaw

(Hanggang by Wency Cornejo)

Listen to song.

My Heart Speaks

2005-06-07T15:31:00.000-07:00

October 21, 2003. This was the day he had to leave. From then on, I have not been able to hold his hand nor get anywhere near him.

Our life together was typical of girl-boy relationships. There would be tampuhans but these will not last for many days. We would fight over petty things but deep inside, all we wanted was each other’s attention. As if the attention we had for one other wasn’t enough. Athough we didn’t set an agreement about it, we saw each other almost everyday. Going from his place to mine was not something he found convenient. He was lucky if the ride took one hour. A homey that he was, he learned to ride the jeepney and bus by himself and get home late since he met me.

My first impression of him was not good at all. The type of guy who would fire up a class with his silly jokes and tease about every girl he comes across, he didn’t seem to be the right guy for me. Within the first few days since meeting him, I made up excuses not to talk to him. If I could I would have hung up on him on the many instances he was being insistent. Our relationship didn’t exactly start on friendship. It was a rough road to begin with, because even as acquaintances we didn’t get along well. We were seventeen then…

Months came and we became unseparable. The occasional arguments didn’t end. Admittedly, one of the main causes of our arguments was jealousy. He was jealous as much as I was, but there were times when I thought he was more jealous to the point that it reached out of line. In many instances I hoped he would come back to reality and make sense of his thoughts. Sometimes it was like a paranoia which he couldn't get off himself. He was always afraid that one day, I would be gone.

I would admit that my love for him was not always that strong. He knew that for sure, but whenever I took care of him or showed some thoughtfulness, his appreciation could last forever. The little things counted so much to him.

Although my first impression of him was not to his favor, this slowly changed as our days together wore on. The more time I spent with him, the more I learned about his character. And like an ageing wine that tastes better with time, the more I admired and loved my partner. He has such a strong character which I think is rare and precious. A man of his word, he has integrity. He is strong-willed. He does not mind being misinterpreted at all, and on many occasions, he had been misunderstood and misjudged especially during our courtship stage. Things like that don’t bother him. What makes me really proud is, he knows what he wants and knows how to get it. Once he set his mind into wanting and doing something, it would be hard to change it. This I think is an essence of manhood. Although I have come to accept that boys will always be boys and one can’t stop them from looking at other pretty girls, he found ways of assuring me that the girl he had always wanted to be with was me and me alone.

For reasons I probably will never understand, he loves me as though there can’t be another he can love as much. No movie has touched my heart more than The Notebook. Can a love be better than that of Noah’s? After seeing the film, he e-mailed me saying his love for me resembles the one that’s depicted in this movie. It broke my heart to read his letter and feel his pain. There was a hint of helplessness that I could read between his words, brought by the distance that separated us.

It has been almost two years since he left. We have had our ups and downs but I will always be moved by the fact that in spite of my shortcomings, his love did not depreciate; it only grew stronger. He proved it without having to say or brag about it. It boiled down to me naturally, as his actions are borne of love. Much to my amazement, he is at his best in demonstrating this whenever I hurt his feelings. Unconditional love, it is. I know that as long as I stay with him, I will never cease to feel loved in such a special and endless way.

His friends probably cannot fathom his true person. I am blessed that he chose me to share his secrets, special and almost surreal. Even up to now, I am astound by them because there seems to be so much more I have yet to learn. Mere words will not be good enough to describe this wonderful person I have come to know.

One day, our distance will only become a trace of our past and when that time comes, our love is stronger. Our distance only helps us appreciate each other more, teaching us that life is so much better when we choose to love and understand rather than argue with each other.

A Good Night's Sleep

2005-06-06T07:51:00.000-07:00

Feeling terribly sleepy - this is the plight I have to go through every Monday.. Unfortunately for me, I was not lucky enough to get a few hours of sleep this afternoon. Because of many sleepless "afternoons" at summer, I've started to change my mind about working graveyard. I loved my shift because the road is free of traffic jam when I come to work. But it was not until a few weeks ago that I realized, what I sacrifice for this little luxury is getting a good and sound sleep at night. Sleeping is a splendid luxury, not to mention a necessity and it is by far more important than avoiding traffic.

With this in mind, I am starting to think that I might need a change in my lifestyle, probably a change in occupation. But I don't like the thought of this. It might take a while before I can get used to the fact that life is a constant change. I have to grow up and learn to accept this.

Mind Power

2005-05-31T07:19:00.000-07:00

I spent a great weekend with my friends. Saw three movies, two of which kind of stressed me out. I felt embarrassed for my friends who were with me because I couldn't help freaking out at not-so-scary scenes. My reactions were rather occasionally inappropriate, but I can't do anything about it. Throw me a plastic roach and before I can stop myself, I will have done silly things already. Hehe!:) I don't believe in ghosts but after watching a horror movie, my mind gets a little playful. In moments like this, I do crazy things like run from the bathroom to my room at night with my eyes set straight at the door (Relief comes when I am already tucked safely underneath the blanket). The mind can be a little tricky sometimes so the lesson is to be careful of what we feed our mind... about ourself, other people and other things as well.

No Better Place

2005-05-27T18:02:00.000-07:00

Friends come and friends go. One of my friends sent me a text message. He was excited because a job will be waiting for him abroad when he finishes school. I felt sad because I'll miss him and because I don't like the thought of friends leaving. I tried to be happy for him because he sounded really ecstatic about it. I realize and respect his love for Japan.

I may be one of those who don't agree to the idea of going abroad to earn a living. I don't like being separated from the ones I love. I think that life is too short for long-distance relationships. I cannot tolerate such when I have a family of my own.

Another friend said, he wanted to rent a room of his own so he could learn to be independent. He's just 22 years old and although it is the proper age to be independent, I simply think there's no need to rush. Because when he goes off to marry, he will live separately from his family. I just think it is better to spend the little time he has left to spend with them. When time passes by, one can never bring it back.

But not everyone will agree with me. Although the Philippines is home, many are not able to meet ends meet in this special place I love. But even still, it is my home, and I'll do everything to make it stand firm. Should circumstances demand that I leave one day, then be it, but I would come back shortly because I can't be truly happy and complete somewhere else. There's no sweeter and better place than home...

Wong Choong Hann

2005-05-27T16:43:00.000-07:00

Wong Choong Hann of Malaysia.

I saw him play on TV just once and he seemed to have captured my heart instantly :) I like his style of playing, his concentration on his game, his nonchalance of the things around and his determination. To be honest I also think he's cute ;)

All Smiles

2005-05-27T15:48:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last updated my blog. Well I just didn't feel like writing anything. I also didn't have enough time to do so. But now I have all the time because my Saturday group is waiting until the clock ticks at 10 am --- we're going out! We'll be watching a horror film, we're choosing between Amityville and House of Wax. It doesn't matter to me, I just want go out and unwind. I'd like to go out shopping with my friends. My excitement overwhelmed me that it was hard to concentrate on my job. Hehe... I also volunteered to take one of the leave slots for Monday. Although I don't have specific things to do, I'm delighted at the thought of not reporting for work on a manic Monday.

Right now, I am all smiles. It's going to be a great weekend!

Out of the Blue

2005-05-27T11:44:00.000-07:00

sometimes i feel that i'm in love with a person who is not known to me... sometimes i try to find meaning to songs that really touch my heart... but then there's a special person in my life and he needs my love. and yes i love him but i hope i'll learn to love him in a much deeper manner. i hope i will find myself singing my favorite love songs and think of him while doing so. i hope that he's beside me and not some place far from here so that my love may grow...

Constant Change (song)

2005-05-12T14:33:00.000-07:00

We're on the road, we move from place to place,
And oftentimes when I'm about to call it home,
We'd have to move along, life is a constant change...

The friends we know, we meet along the way,
Too soon the times we share, form part of yesterday,
Cause life's a constant change, and nothing stays the same,
Oh no...

Clouds that move across the skies,
Are changing form before our very eyes...

Why couldn't we keep time from moving on?
Hold on to all the years before this moments gone,
Why must we live the days at such a frightening pace

We're all like clouds that move across the skies,
And changing form before our very eyes..

Have we outgrown our peter pans and wings?
We've simply grown too old for tales of knights and kings,
Cause life's a constant change, and nothing stays the same...
Oh no...

By: Jose Mari Chan

With Much Love

2005-05-11T11:08:00.000-07:00

I cannot recall what took place on the rest of the mother's days that went by, but this year's mother's day is something special. Not that we went and dined together at a restaurant. This was the original plan but my mom decided that a dinner at home would be a better idea because my two tito's would be coming over to celebrate their birthdays. Guess what, we didn't even get to eat together because she came home at 10 pm. But I held no grudge because only on this year's mother's day have I thought of it with a broken heart.

Why a broken heart? I guess I just can't find a better term, but I am saddened by the fact that we will not have plenty of years living together in one house. Soon my brother will marry and my sister may go on her own way too. I don't know what lies ahead of me, but all I know is that we have all become adults and our lifestyle is slowly changing.

For mother's day, I bought her a tiramisu cake, a pink heart balloon and a teddy bear. They were given with much thought and love, and although my mom didn't seem to notice my broken heart, that is fine. I'm just glad that I'm now feeling this way about celebrating her special day. Having come of age, I love and appreciate her more.

17

2005-05-10T11:20:00.000-07:00

not so long ago
you came into my life
you loved me for me
what a sweet surprise
we went out together
learned about each other
the bad and ugly things
didn't really matter
we laughed and we cried,
and we shared our lives...
we were complete, you and i...

those were the days
when we were young...
we were seventeen
and we were in love...

now you're afar
it doesnt seem right...
i can't hide
the loneliness in my heart
but love will wait
as you know so well...

the sun will shine
on that beautiful day...

2005-05-08T22:46:00.000-07:00

2005-05-06T18:16:00.000-07:00

Home sweet home. There's no sweetest place like home. Finally made it through the day. The better part has come. Now I drift into slumber and find comfort because I'm leaving my world of make-believe for a while.

Better Days

2005-05-06T10:50:00.000-07:00

In my everyday dealings I've learned that people may change and only God won't.

Does this mean that I have to trust them less? Not necessarily, I think I just have to expect less of them.

I am keeping in my cellphone a storage of proverbs and maxims about just anything. They are there to keep reminding me of things until I reach full understanding of them. One is entitled 5 simple rules to be happy:

... Free your heart from hatred.
... Free your mind from worries.
... Live simply.
... Give more.
... Expect less.

What bothers me is that I know these things but can't find the strength to apply them... but I know myself quite enough to make me believe that better days are yet to come.

Roller Coaster

2005-05-02T10:22:00.000-07:00

My friends decided that we should go to Enchanged Kingdom to break away from the monotony of work. It came to fulfillment last Saturday. I simply have to write down that for the first time ever, I enjoyed my ride on Space Shuttle. I had my eyes open the whole time and I was shouting because I felt so free and not because I was afraid. I don't know what made it different this time. It was like my 10th ride or so. What made it more special is that my friend who sat beside me felt the same way, and prior to that she was most apprehensive. I felt happy for her, too. There's fulfillment in being able to overcome this fear. I have yet to surmount more fears in this lifetime.

---

I don't like it whenever I feel sad over a lot of things. Sometimes I feel sad because I don't know what the future holds for me. Sometimes it's the emptiness in my heart. And sometimes it's when I'm having very little self-confidence. I hope that this emotional roller coaster will just come to a halt and I hope I can keep my mind from wondering over a lot of pointless things.

I shared my sentiments to my special one. He said that I should start setting aside the things I don't need and start gathering those that are necessary for my future. He also said he believes in me. I don't know why but he always did... I feel blessed to have someone who has such faith in me through the years.

Can't Hurry Love

2005-04-29T12:12:00.000-07:00

My gurly girl friends and I went to Starbucks for some coffee after work yesterday. I had for myself a mocca frap and strawberry Belgian waffle. Well it was not as much of a treat as I had anticipated because my throat was aching of sugar overload afterwards. On our ride home, we shared girl talks and enjoyed good music in the background. One of my friends showed a unique fondness for a song that I normally would have ignored. I took note of its meaning and voila, I had an LSS as we call it that I took a screenshot of its lyrics when I got home.

Sometimes I can’t put my thoughts into writing. I'm happy to find songs that would best reflect my feelings, the same goes with photos and poetries. I hope I was blessed with the gift of poetry so I could easily use words to represent my state of mind and heart especially when I am in a happy mood. Also I think it's nice to create poems for the people close to me. I can write poetries by trying hard to make the words rhyme, hehe. I used to write them for my mom, friends and crush in grade school. Growing up, I realized that my poems sounded funny (my mom thinks otherwise) but at least they merit some appreciation. Actually, my mom was my number one fan. :)

2005-04-26T17:10:00.000-07:00

Your friendship is like a lollipop that cheers me up and makes me go crazy and do funny faces.

2005-04-26T11:30:00.000-07:00

Mahalo nui loa, aikane...

2005-04-25T20:32:00.000-07:00

this candy
is a symbol of our friendship
that brings joy to my heart
in tiny little ways
it is colorful and sweet
lovely in all its simplicity
just like you
my friend for all eternity

you are a unique lollipop
that caught my eye
in a store that's full of candies
the next time i'm there
little moments would flash back
i'd smile at your memory

thank you for everything
my precious friend
my sweet candy
my teddy...
my shoulder...
my laughter...

until then.

~ I Open My Heart and Treasures Overflow ~

2005-04-18T14:35:00.000-07:00

I was going through my friends' blogs and went across Leane's where, to my dismay, I saw distressing photos of hungry African children... I don't have the heart to even describe it; it was heartbreaking.

Sometimes I come across these images, and my faith is challenged. But in my life as a Christian, I've learned that the human mind is too small and incapable of understanding all the logics of this world, much less the heart and mind of God. I had given up analyzing, and decided to just put my faith in him. Like a little innocent child, I opened my heart, and just like that, treasures went overflowing...

Oh yes... I learned of my God. Not just from a distance; I was a witness to a tender-loving kindness I was not familiar of. His existence became an overwhelming reality. My heart was full of love and goodness and my desire to do good things towards others went naturally, all because I wanted to please him. I prayed without obligation, but with much pleasure and excitement. I had no fear of what my future would be, I had no regard for death, I felt most secure in my life. This is how it is like to be filled with the love of God. I am lost of words because it was the most beautiful thing that happened to me. I have been a lone sheep for some time. With much sincerity and a little pain in my heart, I miss my God.

As for the children in the photos, my heart breaks for them. I can't find the answers to my questions and I won't even try. All I know is I have had a taste of the goodness of my God, and found it to be incomparable to any love a man can offer. I am a sheep who knows that I am safest with my shepherd and his flock. If only I would open my heart again, treasures would overflow once more. I am blessed to know at my young age that nothing is more pleasant in this world than to closely share my life with God, who doesn't demand that people do good, but wants us to just believe, because in believing, we open our heart, and he does the changing. And everything good comes in and out naturally.

A Rare Saturday

2005-04-12T15:35:00.000-07:00

Endshift + Release. How relieving to press these buttons on my call master.

A rare event took place last weekend. My mom, sister, niece and I, together with a cousin, went to Tagaytay. We arrived at around 5:30 pm, too late for a one-day Tagaytay trip. With the exception of my mum, we went horseback riding. Yannah bear who looked like a china doll with her new hair asked too many questions, and I had to pretend that I was interested and that her questions made sense. Then, we went to eat at a place where the bulalo was irresistable. In spite of me being health conscious and all, I had a taste of some bone marrow. The next morning, I felt my heart palpitate a bit. No more bone marrows for me in the next couple of months. There were other great food, too. A friend used to say that eating should be some kind of a divine experience. So the seed has now grown and produced fruit. I used to take a rush when I ate my food, so I could go ahead and enjoy other things. But now I'm starting to realize the beauty in enjoying my meal. Hope this won't result in me gaining more pounds. I’ve gained quite a lot within the last two years and a few more of these are no longer welcome.

Going back to my Tagaytay trip with my family… I thank mum for taking time to plan this ahead. Although not much happened, I know she wanted us to go out because like me, she missed us, too.

Achin Feet :(

2005-04-01T08:38:00.000-08:00

My call master is on e-mail mode, my mind isn't. My feet are aching and this is most probably the result of me taking a shower right after I came home tired and sweaty. This should be one of the few occassions that i would permit this. I love my body and I don't wish to suffer any consequences later.

A close friend loves to wear red shirts, and there's one that has become like a trademark of his. It was nothing special until I noticed the print that read:

I OPEN MY HEART AND TREASURES OVERFLOW.

This statement almost struck me, as though something inside of me lit up. It reminded me of my relationship with God. When I find the right condition, I will take the time to make reflections on this and of course post it to my blog. Only my close friends know of my blog and if you're reading this now and you're my friend, you should know that I trust you enough.

What Matters Most (song)

2005-03-31T11:06:00.000-08:00

It's not how long we held each other's hand
What matters is how well we loved each other
It's not how far we travelled on our way
Of what we found to say
It's not the spring you see, but all the shades of green

It's not how long I held you in my arms
What matters is how sweet the years together
It's not how many summertimes we had to give to fall
The early morning smiles we tearfully recall
What matters most is that we loved at all.

It's not how many summertimes we had to give to fall
The early morning smiles we tearfully recall
What matters most is that we loved at all.
What matters most is that we loved at all.

(Sung by Kenny Rankins)

Heard this song on the radio earlier, I just find it to be most relevant to married couples. *sweet* :) , reminding me of my favorite movie, The Notebook...

Very Unlikely

2005-03-31T08:49:00.000-08:00

September 23, 2003. The night of my graduation.
Mum forgot the most unlikely thing: dye her gray hair :)

My Mommy

2005-03-29T17:19:00.000-08:00

My Mommy... more radiant than ever. She's turning 50 next year. No one that doesn't know her would have guessed. She's beautiful, confident, courageous, quite healthy at her age. She is the center of attention in the dance floors, the parlors and the malls. We have lots of things in common, but then, we are different in many ways, too. While I prefer staying at home, she prefers to go out and party.

I used to have a bad attitude about her being OC, straightforward, indifferent on some occasions, and about her being a perfectionist. I was looking for a different kind of mother. The kind who would be a little less blunt, a little more caring. Lately, seeing things more clearly, I had to change my mind. I am blessed to have her, and I have to accept the not so lovable things. It's a package deal.

Mommy has a kind heart and gentle nature, it's just that she was not brought up in a family where love and care and affection abound. I would love to tell her how I feel, but I'm a bit shy. Like her, I was raised in a family where it is not common to say kind words and compliments to each other. One day, I may have to print this for her to read. I'm sure she'd be very glad... She might shed a tear or two, I just hope she wouldn't break down in front of me. How can I say these things to her in person...

I love my mom.

2005-03-24T15:54:00.000-08:00

chinky :)

Another Lent

2005-03-23T13:53:00.000-08:00

Another Lenten season has come and I can't recall of any memories of the 20 other Lents that went by... Quite unlikely that my mom is planning a vacation and although it is something new and it sounds good, I can't find much interest. I want to go to church this weekend and find time for WHO really matters in this life. I miss the times when I felt most secure, special and loved. It seems that those are too far from where I currently stand. But I know that His love has not changed in spite of this, only I changed and became distant... :(

as the deer panteth for the water
so my soul longeth after thee...
you alone are my heart's desire
and i long to worship thee...
you alone are my strength my shield
to you alone may my spirit yield...
you alone are my heart's desire
and i long to worship thee...

2005-03-21T16:53:00.000-08:00

My sweet li'l niece has grown so tall in just 2 years... A big baby girl, that's what she is..=)

On Badminton and Excellence

2005-03-15T13:35:00.000-08:00

I cannot wait to finish my errands for the day so I can play badminton.

I am now living what one might call an unbalanced life. On my rest days I play badminton. When I am on leave I play badminton. Unfortunately, I no longer have enough time to spend going out with my own family and... going to church... I feel bad about it, I hope it wouldn't be too late by the time I intend to correct it...

If there's one decision that I regret, that would be not applying for our university's volleyball team. It is my first love, the game of volleyball. In my elementary days, my friends and I would be late for class because we would play volleyball during our break times. We would come to class soaking wet but we didn't mind.

Except in college, I never failed to participate in every sports event where there's a volleyball game. I love sports, my senses come naturally with it - what I lack in drawing or singing or dancing, I make up in sports. I regret the fact that I chose studies over athletics, and later I realized that joining the varsity team won't make a big bad dent on my studies... With this realization, I turn to another TV channel when there's a volleyball competition being aired.

Now I'm into badminton and although volleyball is my first love, my love for badminton will always be there... I want to pass it to my children...

When I am on the bus, or in the bathroom or at work processing e-mails, on the back of my mind I think about badminton. How can I improve my game, from what angle should I smash the ball to make it go steeper, in what direction should my elbow face when striking the ball, where should I place the it if the opponent is in a particular point on the court, what is the proper footwork for a particular scenario... Many things are on my mind and I cannot wait to practice these during the weekends or even when I get home...

I just hope I learned it when i was a lot younger so that I'd be more active. I won't mind having big bulky thighs and arms if that's what it takes to be the greatest in this field... But I don't think it matters that much... I've seen the women's team of China... It's better to work on flexibility, dexterity, endurance, alertness of mind, and becoming the smarter opponent.

And I've started to believe that if one wants to be the greatest, he must focus only on one field. It's better to know only one thing and excel in it, than to be skilled in many and yet be known only for mediocrity. Maybe Michael Jordan learned this when he tried to be a baseball player... He may have been a good baseball player, but he wasn't the best. But everyone will always respect his airness as a basketball player. I admire well-rounded individuals, but I have more appreciation for those with limited yet well-mastered skills.

It is 5 minutes past my lunchtime and I should now be back processing e-mails. I have to hold off my thoughts from badminton for a few more hours, and then comes FREEDOM... c",)

Little Seeds

2005-03-11T11:47:00.001-08:00

It is now my lunchtime and rarely do I have the privilege of writing an entry for my blog. Since we moved up to the 32nd floor, work is not as light anymore because of my higher priority in the queue and even when I am on e-mail mode, I no longer have this luxury. We are being closely monitored.

Although I’m finding difficulty making adjustments, I have no complaints about this because it is what I am being paid to do. I remember what our pastor said… “Quit whining and suck it up.” Isn’t it nice to know that going to church can slowly and effectively shape our character if we would only take the time to contemplate the lessons and take them to heart.

But there are just select lessons that will leave a lasting impression on me – all the others will be easily forgotten and for me, that is okay. Not every lesson is relevant to each individual and we can’t learn everything! For me, this makes life and other people more interesting.

Many of the principles I take to heart are those that come from the Bible and my own experiences and I find it fascinating to learn from friends and simple people who aren’t even aware of it… By being observant and a little appreciative, I realized that each person has something special in him or her and I try to pass up preconceived notions that may result from outside appearance and rumors. This is why I am careful not to give hasty judgments. I must confess that I have guilty pleasures too, but can’t find one in listening to gossips or talking behind someone else's back.

Isn’t it nice that this is what has become of me just because I decided to be a little appreciative and open-minded and because the Bible taught me these like little seeds that slowly flourished in my heart… :) One can't learn something that fast, but he surely will with constant reminder and the passing of time...

2005-03-07T14:43:00.000-08:00

What's so special in a rubber minnie and a Sola iced tea cap?
It's the history that comes with it. :)
How nice to appreciate special things in such little ways...

The Gift of Love (song)

2005-03-05T08:55:00.000-08:00

You asked me what I want.
You asked me what I need.
It's nothing you can buy.
My heart's not ruled by greed.
I don't love a diamond.
Diamond's you see through.
I want you to hold me.
I want you to be true.

*Give me the gift of love.
Look me in the eyes.
Say I'm the one you're dreamin' of.
That'd be the best surprise.
Give me the gift of your sweet love
in the light of the day,
in the dark of night...

Like the colors of the sun,
the feelings in your heart.
It's all I want from you.
And when the sky is dark
I'll have you beside me.
Who could ask for more?
I'll just wear a smile
when you walk in the door.

My Flick Family

2005-02-27T20:13:00.000-08:00

I found a second home in my Flick family. Four months have passed since I met them on the badminton courts of Flick - it seems like I've known them for years. They say, Sunday is family day. It is family day for me because I get to be with them. The closest to me is my big brother - Oniisan... He does me all kinds of favors. First, he taught me the fundamentals of badminton. He makes me laugh, catches my by surprise by smelling my sweaty shirts, socks and rubber shoes... He would buy me tokens at Tom's World and ice cream, protect me from bad things. He would bone a piece of chicken for me... how funny that this chicken tastes better than if i were to bone it myself. I feel special when there's big brother to take care of me...

Then there's my big brothers, half-brother, sisters, Tatay and several Tito's, Tita's, Lolo and Lola and then there's the cute little ones. We enjoy a lot of common things but playing badminton is what makes us most blissful. We love to hang out together; age does not matter. Many of my Tito's love to drink beer and some of my brothers and my Tatay have to constantly say no to my insistent Tito's, and to no avail. See the distorted look on their face after taking a sip!=) My Tito's respect the fact that I won't drink beer and besides Kuya won't let me.

I'd be happy if this were last for a couple of years. In my heart, though, I know this will not last for long. Right now, it is still a reality and I am appreciating each moment before it becomes history.

To whine or not?

2005-02-27T18:41:00.000-08:00

There would be days when it seems that everything is going against one's favor. In moments like this, 8 hours feels like forever, and I oftentimes feel the urge to be angry or blame it on others; but Pastor taught us a valuable lesson, as he always does. "Quit whining and suck it up." Although sometimes I don't get enough strength to "suck it up", at least I can stop the whining, the complaining and the blaming. In this way, I am doing myself a favor, and I am not adding up to the already heavy burden.

2005-02-22T02:24:00.000-08:00

Early to bed,
Early to rise,
Makes one happy,
Healthy and wise.

Not for me who sleeps at daytime. Since I started working graveyard, I have been missing one special thing... sleeping at nighttime. How nice to lie in bed in the cold of the night... How pleasant to rise in the bright morning sun.

But then, there's always the brighter side of things... Sleeping in my own room, I am safe and warm, at home with my family. I'd rather be here than laze cold at night somewhere else.

My mind's ponderings

2005-02-11T08:28:00.000-08:00

My special one wrote me an e-mail this morning which he does everyday. It was full of heartfelt I love you's... I can capture a hint of helplessness between his words. He wrote it after seeing the movie, the Notebook. He mentioned the fact that Noah's love resembles the way he feels about me.

I am amazed at how a person can have such devotion in spite of the distance and time that separate them... I would like to be as devoted, but it seems that I want to do too many things at this point in my life. I could be one of the blessed ones in what they call long-distance relationship. If not for his steadfast love for me, it would not have gone this far.

How can I change my heart, or should I change it at all. How will I be able to make him truly happy, if I believe that one must enjoy youth while it is there, and that I should do as I please as long as it is not offensive to anybody. I would admit that sometimes, I lose myself too and forget that he will be more important to me in the long-run than my present activities. And oftentimes, I would think that this is because my love for him has never been that strong. Or am I simply not capable of handling a relationship of this nature... I have these questions on my mind knowing that the answers will not be available until the passing of time. I do not know myself well enough yet to answer these on my own.

A Beautiful Prayer

2005-02-10T09:04:00.000-08:00

I received an email containing a beautiful prayer which I am posting so I can read it from time to time. For some reason, it has made a lasting impression on me…

Hello God,I called tonight
To talk a little while
I need a friend who'll listen
To my anxiety and trial.
You see, I can't quite make it
Through a day just on my own...
I need your love to guide me,
So I'll never feel alone.
I want to ask you please to keep
My family safe and sound.
Come and fill their lives with confidence
For whatever fate they're bound.
Give me faith, dear God, to face
Each hour throughout the day,
And not to worry over things
I can't change in any way.
I thank you God for being home
And listening to my call,
For giving me such good advice
When I stumble and fall.
Your number, God, is the only one
That answers every time.
I never get a busy signal,
Never had to pay a dime.
So thank you, God, for listening
To my troubles and my sorrow.
Good night, God, I love You too,
And I'll call again tomorrow!

Home is where the heart is.

2005-02-07T09:49:00.000-08:00

I had the greatest time with my 'Tatay' and Oniisan last night. We went to the mall right after we had left Flick. Actually, they left the decision on me as to whether I wanted to go straight home or not. They knew that I was not eager to get home, and they know the reason why. That night... February 6, 2005... will always leave me smiling. Tatay and Oniisan, it did not occur to me how special I truly was to them until yesterday. I have an unsually poor memory but I will always want to relive that one night where for one hour, I spent special moments with two great people whom I have considered my family after knowing them for just three months. After spending time at the mall, they brought me safely home. They always do.

I love the Philippines because it is home to me and to those I love. This is why I would rather stay here than leave the country for a better life abroad. If only not for one special person who is far from home...but I am not sure if I would be capable of trading it all...

Lunchtime

2005-02-04T11:38:00.000-08:00

Everday, I am looking forward to my lunchtime, but for reasons not new to me, eating my lunch is not something I am excited about. When I have a family of my own, I will prepare healthy and delicious meals for them. My mom is a good cook but she cannot afford the luxury of preparing meals for us with her busy lifestyle.

I am being productive at work this week. As I had mentioned last week, I intended to get at least 7 hours of sleep everyday. So far, I have been able to keep this up. Way to go, Steffy! :)

I am looking forward to my weekend activities and aside from the usual ones, there are other things that I have in mind, which time will not permit. It has occurred to me that working 8 hours a day 5 days a week consumes so much of my time and hopefully, I will have to do away with office work one day so I can manage my own time.

2005-02-03T17:22:00.000-08:00

Kuya Paul and Steffy on our first tournament together... and our first medals as partners... :)

My Dearest

2005-02-03T11:52:00.000-08:00

I am not too sleepy and staying wide awake is a quite a success. It can be obtained by getting enough sleep, controlling one's thoughts and limiting one's activities.

On Saturday we won first runner-up on my 2nd official badminton tournament and first pairing with Kuya Paul, my dearest Oniisan and Sensei. I was nervous and it was a good thing that Coach Noel advised us to bring a sweater and wear it before the games to keep our bodies warm. I was also having a flu at that time and I did not have a good game as I had expected of myself. Fortunately, my partner played very well. During the finals, the pair whom we beat 21-3 during the eliminations won over us easily, and somehow, I found little fulfillment because of the fact that they did not have a hard time beating us.

Aside from the main event, there were smaller ones that I hold dear such as the bonding I have had with my friends... and the crazy things we did... I dropped my phone twice, causing cosmetic damages and although I have been trying to keep it in good condition, I figured that's okay; the scratches and dents will serve as a remembrance of this memorable day. Reliving January 29, 2005 brings me pleasure and will always draw a smile on my face... :)

2005-01-30T18:41:00.000-08:00

They say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. While I find this true, sometimes I feel that too much absence can make the heart go distant, too...

Either way, the love will always be there...

So far, so good.

2005-01-27T09:40:00.000-08:00

I have just gotten back from a one-day leave, and W-O-W, what a worthy break I had! I played badminton the whole day yesterday, and when I got home I had the deepest most peaceful sleep. I feel rejuvenated today.

And I can say, I am enjoying my activities again. There is not much work to do in the office, except for my little pearly business.

I have just gotten off the phone with dealer Leo. When I asked him if there was anything else I could do for him, he said "well that's it for today", and added "but the day is young." I wonder if he is happy with the product, or if he simply has to deal with it everyday to make a living. I know that dealer Leo is dealing with irate customers everyday, and based on feedbacks from friends, and based on my experience too, he deals with them and with us in the most professional manner. I admire his attitude, and I wish to be like him in doing business. But there was the question of whether he is happy with the product or not... I do not think I can be an effective salesperson if I do not believe in the product.

So far, so good, but the day is young. My supervisor has just advised me to go on e-mail mode (which translates into sleepy mode).

Sleepyhead strikes again...

2005-01-25T07:43:00.001-08:00

I realized, when things are not going well, writing can make one feel better. I am not a writer, nor can I say that this is one of the things that I would love doing during my spare time, but at this moment, I would say writing is helping me calm down. By freely expressing my thoughts, I am able to clear my mind.

What is on my mind? On top of everything else, I want to sleep. I appreciate all the free time I can get from my main and extracurricular activities. I can just smile at the thought of me jumping into my soft pink bed, my body warming beneath the cotton linens and my soul resting in all serenity. No work, no badminton, no business, just pure rest. After getting a good rest, that is the time I can truly enjoy my normal activities again. I intend to be a normal working girl again who gets at least 7 hours of sleep a day, and who does not have to worry about getting a haggard look. I also intend to see a dermatologist one of these days.

Too many plans yet too little time. On a positive note, office work is no longer as burdensome as it was in the past. It is as if I am getting paid to sit in front of a computer, speak with clients once in a while, but most of the time I am occupied with things that are not office-related. At least, that is how it is today. The external factors are all okay, but my body is all worn out. I have decided to sleep during my lunchtime.

Sleepyhead.

2005-01-24T14:31:00.000-08:00

I am on e-mail mode at work, and my job at this time is to respond to customers’ inquiries… yet my mind is somewhere else, in fact it is in many places at the same time. I am finding it difficult to do my job thoroughly.

And although I do not have much to say, putting my thoughts into writing brings relief from the boredom and feeling of monotony (and the urge to close my eyes and drift into slumber…) caused by the inquiries of our curious and oftentimes, irate American customers.

My friend Mabs is my seatmate; she has been for several months. From time to time we would talk about the things we love. She would talk about the special person in her heart, the things she would like to do such as surfing and swimming, and I would tell her about my life’s story, love story, my little business, badminton and the special person in my life who is far far away and although we have to keep repeating ourselves, no one bothers to care. We understand the fact that, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks (and friends are there to listen). Many times, we would burst into laughter because this friend of mine is a natural comedian, and I can be her number one fan.

Hello, again.

2005-01-21T06:20:00.001-08:00

21 days after my first post, here I am again. I would say, I've had a good start of the year. So many things have happened and the last couple of weeks have been truly productive. I have started a small business and speaking previously of "goals", I am getting a feel of how i would like my future to be. More than anything, though, I'd like to have the future that God wants for me. My little business is growing in two weeks time, customers are happy and satisfied, and as I have told someone close to me, I am treating it as if it were a little child that needs attention, time, nurturing and protection from all that may harm her. To take things one at a time, take things slowly yet surely, this is my way of handling it and in the process, I may learn more with experience. Still all of this would not have meaning and purpose if I were just to lose it in one snap of a finger. Again, while writing the previous statement, tragic events such as calamities are on the back of my mind. The recent events of disasters are causing a little shivering in me.

A few years back, I did not appreciate the power of wisdom that is found in the Word of God as much as I do today... Seek for yourselves treasures in heaven, for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Hello, 2005.

2005-01-01T05:15:00.000-08:00

It is 1:30 AM, first day of the year 2005. I figured it is the perfect time to start my journal.

I am stationed conveniently by the window where I can see all the lovely fireworks from the 31st floor, and down there is Ayala Avenue where a party is taking place. They are playing the kind of music that I normally like - Filipino alternative music of Bamboo, Parokya and a few others of their kind. I respect their talent, skills and most of all, their passion. Filipino music has gone a long way. They make me proud.

My friend seems to be concerned about the new year and the goals she has set for herself and it got me into thinking... I am probably not the kind of person who's brave enough to set a goal, well at least for now. For me, it is a big responsibility because a promise made to oneself should be as sacred as a promise made to a friend. From this, we can draw what I think is one of the keys to happiness in life: we must treat ourself in the same respectful manner we treat others.

This is it for my first day of the year. Thanks to my friend Wa who encouraged me to make my first posting. Happy new year to me! :)